Emotions

How does one deal with the emotional turmoil of a break -up??

How is it possible to feel sadness and fear and confusion and anger all at once??

How is it that someone can hurt u and u can still love them unconditionally??

How can u feel like u want to hate that same person that u love?

I wish I knew the answers!

A million years... a single lifetime!!

So its been a million years since I've posted here.. not that anybody missed me...

So much have taken place within the past few months... I have grown in love, almost broke up.. almost got engaged.. almost almost almost...

Right now things are pretty cool.. but I've been learning so much about me...

I've learnt that I have absolutely no patience...
I lack trust..
I am scared to death of getting hurt...
I push so hard that I turn people who love me into beasts...
I love my daughter more than anything else in the world!!
I wanna travel more and more.... it makes me feel light!
Learnt that I dont wanna die without being married.. but I'm not sure if that's just so I can have the pips of saying that I am...

I've learnt that we cant change a person into who we want them to be...
I've learnt that I can only change me into a better person... and if the one you "love" loves you enough, they will see and appreciate those changes and follow suit!
I've learnt that men are men and they will never be women, no matter how hard we try to make them resemble one emotionally...
I've learnt that I love myself beyond measure but I love someone enough to give them a chance to show me they love me...

I've learnt that I lack the drive I need to become the person I wanna be... financially...
I've learnt that I am a bitter person sometimes..
ooh.. I 've learnt that I have to put myself first... and then my love for everyone else will be real
I've learnt that I need to take the first step toward the destination that I wish to find!

I've learnt that I often put myself in the background for the sake of the people I love...

I've learnt that I can be a bore sometimes... like now!!  lmao

Have a good night Web world!

The Prodigal Son Returns!!

So two years ago, my son decided he wanted to live with his dad... as much as it hurt like hell, I didnt stop him.  I knew he craved the love and closeness of his father and I never would deprive him of that!  So he went.

Now that we are living in our apartment, he's been meaning to come back home, but procrastination has been the order of the day with him.  There's always a reason why he cant come over and start setting up his room.  I kinda grew accustomed to it.  Last Friday he called me and told me he's coming over on the weekend to start painting his room, a promise that I didnt take very seriously as it was something I've heard repeatedly.  But, to my pleasant surprise, he came... he painted and hopefully today, his furniture will arrive and he'll be comfortable.

He's been here since Sunday and it feels so good to have my son in my home again.  I've missed him so much... I've cried, I've begged.. I've spent many nights wishing he was with us... and finally, he's back!!

All is well with the world folks!!

On the other side, I'm still trying this self-employment thing and boy, it is hard to make money when you dont have any to invest!!  I've actually begun thinking about looking for a job again.  I hate having to go back out to a "job" which I may not like, and which I know I will not stay in... but my commitments are still there and I have duties and responsibilities to fulfill... so its back to the drawing board for me!

Have a blessed week folks and stay up... No matter how bad it seems, it can always get better!

Touching base

So January is over and I've only posted here once!  Not like anybody missed me or anything!

I've been doing ok... been catering lunches for offices on a Friday.. and did one small birthday party last Sunday..  Been doing ok!

My bf and I have been having a pretty decent time... we seem to have gotten into somewhat of a comfort zone which can sometimes be boring, but we've discussed it and we both know and understand why its happening, and we look forward to finding some new things to discover together.. unfortunately, our stupid little island doesnt have much... at least not stuff that we are really into anyways.  We are going to Panorama Semi-Finals on Sunday and I look forward to it cause we really haven't yet gone to any parties together and though this is not a party, it comes quite close to it!

My kids are doing great... son is back out at school after the Christmas vacation but my daughter is still at home with me and will be until after the Easter vacation.  Thankfully, she didnt start "school" yet, so its not like I'm keeping her away.

Anyways, I'm off to bed, hope whoever reads this will have a great week ahead!

Happy New Year!!

So its the 4th day of January in the year 2012 and I'm happy!!

What a wonderful Christmas season I spent... despite getting laid off from my job because of redundancy.  My kids and I enjoyed every moment of our Christmas vacation time together and my darling of a boyfriend spent every minute of his vacation with me!  I couldn't ask for more...

My wishes for this year are as follows:

1.   My finances get sorted out
2.   My bf and I get closer
3.   My career as a "chef" kicks off
4.   I can lose another 7 pounds

I am a very simple person and my wishes are simple... and I believe that they will come true..    What are your wishes?

Till death do us part!

Looking at the newspaper this morning I saw a pic that jolted my mind a bit. 

There she was, standing by his side, in tears.  The excruciating pain was evident on her face!  He had died.. her soul mate.. her husband of however many years... both of them in their later stage of life!  She was being consoled by his friends of as many or even more, years.  My heart broke for her.  I felt so sad that she'd lost the one person she probably felt like she never wanted to lose.  Standing there, she probably relived so many memories, good time, bad times...  times when she felt like she hated him.. and times when the love was so strong that she couldn't breathe!  My heart went out to this woman, who I may never know!

Looking at the picture, I felt even more sad for me.  I don't know if I will ever have this.  Yes I have a boyfriend  and yes, things are beautiful with us... but who is to say that it will stay that way for a long time.  Who knows how things will turn out?  Will we even make it past three months?  Much more to make a lifetime together?  Will I ever have the opportunity of having a partner "til death do us part"? 

What makes a new love stay?  What makes a new relationship grow?  What keeps a man and a woman together?  Oh, I wish someone could give the answers to these questions!

Thoughts

So today I have two things I want to write about...One happy and the other, well... let's just say it could be better...  and with this post, I'm claiming it to be that way. 

The first item in my short "thoughts" list this morning is the happy one...  My boo and I are getting along so well, even when there is a possibility of a disagreement, there is still so much love and understanding between us!  Here is an excerpt of a conversation we had yesterday: 
Me:   Babe, I think you're in a foul mood today, is everything ok? 
Him:  I am in a foul mood, lots of things are not right.
Me:   Is there anything I said or did that contributed to that?
Him:  I think it because I havent seen you in a couple days, I'm really cranky and edgy with everyone! 

Of course, as bad as I felt that he was having a bad day... I was ecstatic that he actually feels that way!  Makes me feel needed! 

On the other side of the fence, I just read something that said I should send out "vibes" requesting the things that I think about or need or want...  and right now the main thing I can think about that I need and want is More Money!  I need more money to be able to live on a daily basis; I want more money so I can settle debts and do things that I would like to do, like travel or buy gifts for my kids... and I think about this all the time..  So here it goes, if the Universe if reading this, and I know God is hearing my thoughts, even before I had them... I need more money please!!!  Thank you in advance for positively answering my request. 


Have a great day people!!