So he picked me up at 9:00. He had his sister's car. We went to Upper Deck where he bought me a drink and we took the pool table. We started to play and it was going good.. I lost a couple games to him and then he "won" one by putting black ball.. he kept texting on his phone and it was annoying me, so when he got a call and actually went outside to answer it I got really upset after waiting for almost 10 minutes. I went to the bar and paid for the table and told him let's go.. so he can go home and see about his shit. He was amused cause he said the phone call wasn't from Kim.. there was some "friend" that he was listening to her problems and told her that he can only give her a couple minutes cause he was out with someone.
He drove to the Hotel and got into the car park.. I asked him for the Decree Absolute and he said that he left the bag home cause he had the car.. and he was hustling so he forgot. I got really angry and very disappointed. We talked. He asked me to go upstairs and after quite a long deliberation, we went. I stood by the window and he came to me and said "Nicole I love you" and I asked him "why".. he said because I wanted someone different and you are! I didn't know what to believe really.. but decided just to accept it and not reciprocate. We talked on the bed but he was feeling very cold so he was covered up... I made love to him fully.. and he enjoyed it. We just lay there after holding each other from time to time. talking from time to time. About 3 o'clock he started saying that he really wanted this night to be different and he wanted us to stay together, he looked forward to us staying together all night, but he was feeling uncomfortable with the fact that the kids would wake up and realise he's not there and wonder where he is. I told him to go home and he said no, he doesn't want to leave me. So we just lay there again, him holding me, until he really couldn't take it anymore cause his phone kept going off.. He said babe, I'm sorry.. but I cant do this. I want to go home. So I told him that if his kids are the real reason for him going home, then he doesn't need to be sorry. I told him that I didn't have it with my father, cause he was too old and neither of my kids have it with theirs and its wonderful that his kids have the benefit of a wonderful dad. It is one of the things I really like about him. He got up with that affirmation and took a shower.. came out and asked me if I wanted to stay... I said "no" "do you think I like staying away from my daughter?" ... I got up, changed and we left. While we were walking out of Hyatt, I asked him "so, Mayaro is out?"... he said nothing.. and I said, "unless, you wanna bring the kids, which you're most welcome to do".
While we were driving, he said that he hates the way that Kim is gonna nag him about tonight. And that he cant take it at all.. and I asked "so what?"... He said, not because I tell you how I feel does it mean there's something else to it.. I'm just stating my feelings. He started to recap the night and how badly it went.. and I asked despite the disastrous parts of it, did you enjoy any part? and he said yes. So I encouraged him to look at the positive and not the negative. He said Nicole, tonight was a big thing for me, cause other than traveling out of the country, I dont ever stay away from my kids. so I'm sorry... and again, I reiterated that he shouldnt apologise.
He dropped me off and asked if he could call me. I said yes... he called and said that he is aware that for all the years he has indirectly allowed Kim to manipulate his life... he feels manipulated by her. He said it never bothered him until the last two weeks and he doesnt know what to do cause (and he asked me not to take this the wrong way), he doesnt want to lose Kim from his life... cause she's been such a big part for so long. But he also knows that he needs to be happy... And he is scared about bringing me into his kids' lives.. he promised Hailie that he and her mom would always be together.
I told Carlon that if he really wants US or wants Me... then I believe it could happen.. I believe that we can get over anything we want to because we love each other.. if we do. He asked me if I have that kind of patience... and I said, that once I see that you are not married and I know that you want us to be together, then I am willing to wait and abide by what has to go on. I told him that neither he nor Kim has to "lose" each other.. and I can relate to and understand her place in his life and I dont expect that to change but he needs to clearly define it... if you know that you are not in love with her and you cant have her a a wife, lover or the sorts, and you know that you want to be happy and have that, then you are gonna have to clearly define her role and work towards keeping her there.
By that time he had reached home, which was really quick.. when he got there he said Nicole I'm home. He told me thank you for listening... and I said babe.. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I then sent him a message telling him that I love him too..
On Saturday morning about 7:30 am he messaged me saying that he was still up and that the daughter was happy that he was there when she woke up and that he was happy. I asked if he spoke with Kim yet and he said no, but he's gonna do that soon. After 11 that morning he called me to tell me he and Kim just had a big fight and he needed some time to sort it out... and by that he means, dont contact him for a couple days. I said ok...
Sunday night I was bored and thinking about him, wondering what the heck was going on and I browsed her fb page and saw a number there and stupidly called it.. . she answered and I hung up. She apparently called him and told him and he called me pretty pissed... a couple phone calls ensued one of which I called him and he told me not to call him again... but he called back after that and asked me why I did that etc etc.. we ended the conversation after 17 minutes when she called him back and he told her he will call her back, then came back to my convo and said Nics I am going to call Kim back now, so bye.
I didnt hear from him on Monday at all..
This morning, he calls me at about 9:59 and we talked for about 50 minutes.. he said that he loves his kids so much and that he never wants to see them that scared or unhappy again.. I still didnt understand what he meant but he explained that Kim started throwing stuff around the house and she threw a Rolex in its case at him and hit him with it and he held her on the bed to restrain her and she started screaming.... and the kids and his guests came in and saw that and the kids started crying etc... and after that, they dont want to come back home there... they have been with her since and he is trying to convince them to come back home and they dont want to. He says that up till a month ago they were all perfectly happy... and now none of them are. And he will do anything to get it back to his kids being happy cause that's all that matters... his children are his sole reason for living and he will do anything even if it means allowing her to control his life or to manipulate him... which is so sad. No one should ever have to put their happiness aside because they think the false reality that they have created is the best thing for all involved. He said that they were all happy and as soon as he let his guard down and allowed me to enter his life and thought about getting serious with me, Kim decided to start acting differently and they fought because of me and now the kids aren't happy because they fought... and I feel so shitty for all of us.. I just wish she would leave him alone!
So now, I will probably leave him to his own and maybe call him once in a while... but I think they really need so me help so I will pray for them... that entire family.
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